September 8, 1999
Why Don't You Get a Job!
"There's only one thing I hate more than working."
"What's that?"
"Looking for work."
-from a Kids in the Hall skit I saw yesterday.
Yes, I need a job, but instead I'm sitting around watching Kids in the Hall. Not very productive. I mean, it's not like I've been doing nothing. I've been hard at work on various Budget Press projects. But, for some reason, the mom and the woman don't think that's real work, I guess because it doesn't make any money. How absurd! It's like a measure of a man's worth is how much money one has, not his contribution to society! Sure, I only have $17 dollars to my name, and my mom has been feeding me for three months now, and my phone bill has been astronomical, but I had major life altering surgery six months ago! I just came back from Russia! I can't be expected to just jump back into the thick of things right away, can I?
Looking for a Job is Like Walking the Plank
- bumper sticker
Perhaps one can make the case that I'm just a lazy bum, but I don't think that's it entirely. It's not like I sit on my ass and do nothing. But there is nothing in the world I detest more than looking for a job. When I was a teenager, early 20's, I always seemed to get whatever job I applied for. I would go in to some restaurant, or occasional retail store, fill out an ap and get hired on the spot. It was great, especially considering I went through jobs at the average rate of one every two weeks. Even after I moved to San Francisco at the age of 22, I got the second job I ever applied for (The NFL Shop on Pier 39), which lasted about a month, and then the day I was canned from that job I got a new one that same day at the first place I applied (Blondies Pizza on Powell, where I worked for 10 months, the longest ever at the time). My luck lasted for one more job following Blondies (Hamburger Mary's, worked for a year!), but after that, it disappeared. This seemed to coincide with me wanting to actually move up in the restaurant biz. I would apply for cook jobs at every restaurant in town, dropping off resumes wherever I went, and the calls wouldn't come. I would end up going back to some pizza or fry cook job that paid me six or seven dollars an hour. This lasted until I was 28, when the restaurant I was working at went under, no one would hire me, and I ended up on GA and food stamps. It was then when I moved back to Riverside and went back to school. I delivered pizza for three years. (Actually, with tips and gas, a $10 an hour job, the most I ever made!)
Soon enough, I was 30 years old and a college graduate. Now, for sure, I could get a real job! That's why one goes to college, right? No more restaurants for me! After all, I had won a ton of academic awards, was a two-time national champion scholar, and, if I wore a long sleeve shirt to a job interview, I had no tattoos! But the funny thing is, I was living in Riverside, CA, outside of the Rio Grande Valley and Appalachia, the worst job market in America. (Even now, with the economy so 'strong', and with Riverside/San Bernardino having the lowest unemployment rate in twenty years, it's still two percentage points higher than the national average, and 24% of the working population has been forced to change jobs in the last three years.) It was either temp for Manpower or temp for the school district. So a substitute I became. The cool thing about it was, like delivering pizza, they'll hire anybody, as long as you got the necessary papers.
Talk about a crappy job. The stories could fill out a couple of these files. Those of you who have subbed (I know there's a few), can understand. So Carolyn and I decided to leave the country and teach overseas. We went to Prague, took a class, and got a job in Russia. It was great, another one of those jobs who'll hire anybody as long as you got the right papers. And, I think, it's a real job. My first one.
But all good things must come to an end, and here I am back in the US, 32 going on 33, jobless. I love being in my thirties, a college grad, living off my mother. I'm proud to be in the same class as Meathead. Even so, it's time to get a job. I avoided it as much as possible, even trying to get into grad school at the absolute last minute, but that didn't work. I have to walk the plank. I have to get my self-esteem battered left and right and beg for more. And I have to do it in Southern California without a car.
So here's the dilemma. What sort of job do I try to get? Do I try for a real job, which may take a while and where the rejection and/or non-reply level is substantial, or do I go to am/pm? The good thing about living in the rather well to do area where I am currently situated is that all the mini-marts need help. But damnit, I gots myself a college edumacation! I'm a teacher, a published writer! But I only have $17 dollars to my name, and I got a big zine to put out. I can always go work at am/pm or whatever and still look for a real job, I guess that's an option.
I've talked to a friend of mine in Washington DC who said maybe he can get me a job working for the Society for Arab-American Understanding or something like that as an Assistant Lobbyist for Morocco or managing a Fellowship or whatever. That sounds good. Go live in DC for a while. Would make for interesting Budget Files, at least. Would look good on a resume. But that's iffy and I won't know anything for a couple of weeks, at least. He told me to move to DC, there's plenty of jobs there. But I think I'd need more than $17 to get there.
I've faxed out a couple of resumes for jobs I've found on the net. One's for an Internet start-up English as a Foreign Language site up in San Francisco. Want teaching and editing experience. I got that. They e-mailed me back saying they'll get in touch if they decide they want to talk to me. Sent one to a place here in San Diego that wants a content writer for a web-site. Hey, can't hurt to try. Put Budget Press and my zine writing on those resumes. If they do look up these Files, I hope they look at a good one. Hey! I just thought of something. What if they read this one! Would that be good or bad?
Saw two jobs in the paper today. One is a teacher for developmentally disabled adults. I could probably get that job, but it's at least an hour and a half bus ride each way. Another is for a Science Camp counselor at $250 a week plus room and board. That might be cool, go live out in the desert for a while, but I would probably be without a computer. Can't live without that! Maybe I'll give them a call.
Anyway, I guess I should be looking for that new job instead of writing this to you all. If any of you out there know of or got a job for me, let me know. I'm willing to relocate. Or if you want to make any donations to Budget Press, they'll gladly be accepted. I'll tell you when I get a job, even if it's at am/pm. But don't hold your breath.
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And now off to letter land. I'm sure this will look good on the resume!
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Dear Freak
John McCain?!!! Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick. When I heard you babbling about him as we shared that crack whore from O.B. in your mom's tastefully decorated condo I thought it was some drug addled delusion; the soul searing screed and sexual braggadocio of a man in the full throws of blind blood lust. But, to soberly write about it later too the four of five people that still read this scat shows the mind of a truly warped individual. How can you see the corruption of Mother Russia and not see the same twisted shit being crapped out in your own back yard. Clear your mind, johnnie. It's all just puppets in a show. Besides, you'll never be rich enough to be a Republican.
Allah Akbar
Richard Tater
Reply:
Dear Dick:
Reading between the lines I can sense your bitterness over having to settle for sloppy seconds. Just because you had to follow my enlarged manhood with your pre-pubescent penis is no reason to mock my political meanderings. Yes, I realize that the corruption in the good ol' USA is on a level that the amateurish Russians can only dream about. But that will not make me bow out into an apathetic stupor which will allow the government of my beloved country to ride roughshod over my virginal ass. That is just what 'the man' wants, a bunch of sheeple (to use a phrase of your own making) that will allow their brain-dead opinions to be herded into a mass media-manufactured mind fuck that allows this same 'man' to do what they want to whomever they want whenever they want. I say a vote for McCain is in fact a vote against this media created we-know-whats-good-for-you mentality. Would you rather have Georgie Porgie Jr. force fed down your throat? At least McCain has shown he has some balls that haven't been shriveled up by denied cocaine use.
And, of course, I never said I'd actually vote for McCain. I just said that I found him intriguing. I'm sure my old leftist heart wouldn't allow me to vote for anybody but Bill Bradley. But as I know from frequent dealings with your Valium and vodka idled mind, you think there's no difference between Gary Bauer and Jerry Brown. All of them are controlled by the same mega-conspiracy that just wants to take away your rifle. My mind is clear, Dick. If you want to find out who the puppet is, look in the mirror. Because I'm sure you'll once again jump through their hoop and vote Ren and Stimpy once again. Leave the voting to the idiots. It's what they want, and you'll get what you deserve.
Peace Love and Jerry
johnnie b.
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Until next time…
#29
September 15, 1999
Blowing Up Moscow: From Chechnya, Dagestan, and Saudi Arabia with Love
In the last couple of weeks, bombs have been going off in Russia, Moscow in particular. The first one took out an apartment building in the small ethnically diverse Muslim Russian Republic of Dagestan, just across the Chechen border. The second took out a video arcade in a mall next door to the Kremlin. And in the last week and a half two big apartment buildings were blown up in Moscow, killing over 150 people.
Now it is known and widely accepted that the first bombing was perpetrated by Chechen fighters, who with some local help have started to fight the Russian military in Dagestan with the aim of uniting Chechnya and Dagestan into an independent Islamic republic. The sporadic fighting along the border between the Chechens and Russians has escalated in recent weeks to full on battles, with tanks and helicopters and the like. The arcade bombing, I'm sure, has nothing to do with that conflict, though. It was probably just a mob bombing of somebody who hadn't been paying their protection. Things like this happen in Russia somewhat regularly.
When the first of the recent Moscow apartment explosions occurred, there was some talk of it being a terrorist bombing, but a gas explosion was not ruled out. That's what I thought it was, because gas leaks blowing up apartments aren't unheard of in Russia either. There were more than a few in Moscow when I lived there, although not as destructive. The apartment blocks in Russia are some of the most shoddily constructed buildings in existence. It's a good thing Moscow isn't on any earthquake fault line, because the aftermath of an earthquake in Moscow would make Istanbul and Izmir look like parkland. Having lived in a block exactly like the ones that have blown up, it would come as no surprise that a gas leak took out that building.
But over the course of the following few days, the terrorist thing was increasingly the focus of investigation, not shoddy construction. I scoffed. Yeah yeah, blame everything on the Chechens. Absolve the state of any guilt. But then the next one came, four days later. Now the government was blaming terrorists for sure. The closeness of the two blasts, the similarities of the blasts with the blast in Dagestan, and the large cache of explosives found nearby has pretty much convinced me, along with the Russians, that these were terrorist bombings indeed, not mere gas explosions.
So why are these so-called terrorist explosions taking place in Moscow? For that, we have to go back to the war in Chechnya. Over the course of the conflict there, which ended three years ago, Chechnya was bombed into oblivion. The destruction of that land makes the siege of Sarajevo pale in comparison. And as in any war where thousands are indiscriminately killed and wounded and atrocities are committed against the civilian population, fanatics to certain causes are created and power vacuums were there is no authority except the authority of might. He who has the most guns and followers rule. This is true in Chechnya.
One of the strongest of these Chechen warlords is Shamil Basayev, a crazy brave bastard who is leading the charge into Dagestan, along with a Jordanian ex-pat by the name of Khattab. The aim of their incursions into Dagestan is the creation of an independent Islamic republic. And although this may seem like a new phenomenon based on the last twenty years of Islamic history, starting with Iran and Afghanistan, the concept of a united Dagestani-Chechen nation is much older than that. It goes back at least 150 years, back to the original Russian fight to conquer the Caucasus. Back to man called Imam Shamil.
Shamil was an ethnic Lak from the mountains of Dagestan. A fierce warrior and devout Muslim, he led the fight of Caucasian Muslims against the conquering Russians. He united all the diverse Dagestani tribes, as well as the Chechens, the Ingush, and lots of other people you probably haven't heard of, and staved off the inevitable Russian victory for forty years. He is still considered a hero by all the mountain people, and it seems no small coincidence to me that Shamil Basayev shares the name. To this day many people in the region name their sons after him. Imam Shamil's rule of law over the lands he controlled was based on the shari'a, the Islamic legal code set forth in the Koran and other Muslim holy books.
Shamil was beaten, however, and the people he led in revolt were subjugated to the Russian Tsar. And this is how things held until the Bolshevik revolution. With the following civil war in Russia, there led to a collapse of Russian control over the Caucasian region. It was during this time in 1917-1918 that the Mountain Republic was established. This independent nation comprised all of Dagestan and Chechnya along with the other Northern Caucasus tribes. This republic remained independent until the Bolsheviks were able to consolidate their control over the region. The Mountain Republic remained a coherent entity, however, under the Bolsheviks, until Stalin divided up the land into tiny ethnic enclaves, using the divide and rule methodology. It was only then that the Chechen republic was created (put together with the Ingush into the Chechen-Ingush A.S.S.R., which broke up after the fall of communism), separate from Dagestan. A small chunk of Chechens, though, was placed within the boundaries of Dagestan.
So the theme of a united Dagestani-Chechen republic is nothing new. And since the fall of the Soviet Union, the idea of returning to the ideal of the Mountain Republic has gained considerable steam, especially after the war. Basayev seems to be this ideas most vocal adherent. And now it seems he has decided to put his plan into action. He definitely has the money for it now. He has been the number one perpetrator of kidnappings in the region, and from reading reporters accounts, this has been a profitable enterprise. But he also has ties with one of the richest donors in the Islamic world, Saudi Arabia.
The Saudi royal family likes to think of themselves as the most devout Muslims in the world. With American encouragement, they were the largest donors of aid to the Islamic opposition to the Russian invasion of Afghanistan. And they also aided the Chechens in their fight for freedom, albeit very quietly. But the Saudis don't just export money and arms to these fighters, they also export their brand of Islam, Wahabism. Now, I won't get into a detailed description of Wahabism (believe it or not!), suffice to say it is the most austere, and in my opinion, most radical and intolerant of all Islamic sects. Those of you with only a cursory knowledge of Saudi Arabia know it is one of the most oppressive regimes on the planet. After the Russians were kicked out of Afghanistan, who filled the vacuum to rule ninety some-odd percent of the country? The Taliban, created and supported by Saudi money. And the Taliban have instituted cultural policies that have been brought over wholesale from Wahabi doctrine. Now this repressive doctrine has seeped into some of the most militant Chechens and Dagestanis, along with the money and arms. This includes Basayev and his minions.
Now the Caucasian peoples are relatively recent converts to Islam, some as recent as the last century. And the brand of Islam that they have traditionally embraced is the exact opposite of Wahabism. They are mostly Sufis, a brand of Islam practiced in many diverse places, but one which has allowed ancient regional and tribal religious practices to be incorporated into Islam. I liken it to certain Catholic sects in Latin America, Santeria being is one example. To the Wahabi of Saudi Arabia, though, Sufism is heretical. There can be no co-existence between the two.
Now I realize that I'm getting way off the original subject here, but this is something I've wanted to write about for awhile. Besides, long-winded digressions are my forte.
So, you have this well-funded, ideological militia bent on creating an Islamic state within Russia. But because of the massive destruction incurred during the war in Chechnya, plus the outside influence of Wahabism, many of the Dagestani people don't want anything to with Basayev and his merry band of warriors. Dagestan is not an ethnically homogeneous state, however, but a patchwork of different tribes, with different ethnicity, languages, and traditions. Dozens of them. And while these different people have been able to live in relative peace over the centuries, the influence of recent history and current politics is causing a breakdown of the fragile political system. Basayev has been able to convert the majority of Chechens who live in Dagestan to his cause, as well as the Laks, Imam Shamil's tribe. It is their religious proselytization, however, not their military and political goals, that has turned off the majority of Dagestani peoples. These people, no matter how diverse, have always been fairly religiously coherent. But I believe that these new religious tensions will lead to a break-up of what peace has been sustained by the tribes. The one thing that held them together will cease to exist.
Now let's go full circle back to those bombings. Basayev has denied any involvement, and there hasn't been any proof that they are connected to the escalating conflict between his fighters and Russia, but for the sake of argument lets say that they are directly connected. After all, Basayev himself has been quoted as saying that the war needs to be taken into Russia (which he himself has done in the past). Russia retaliates for these bombings by escalating the conflict in Dagestan. Elections in Russia are coming, and it was because of electoral politics that the Chechen war was started. Basayev goes into Dagestan, wrecks havoc for awhile, then retreats into Chechnya. A few more bombs go off, a few more apartment blocks go down. The Russians, being Russians, overreact and start a scorched earth policy in Dagestan, which pisses of the civilian population and radicalizes them. They then join Basayev. As was proven in Afghanistan and Chechnya, the Russians can't win. All they can do is destroy. The Russians lose, a power vacuum is created, and Basayev's forces take over. They then wrestle control of Chechnya from those who oppose them, then it's off to the other side of Chechnya until the Islamic Mountain Republic is created. It's one scenario, one that Basayev, Saudi Arabia, and other like minded thinkers dream of. But then maybe it's just my dream, but hey, it's highly plausible.
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OK, enough of that. Just a lot of hot air. But I love to talk about it, after all, Russian Muslims is what I study. For those of you that actually read all of that, you have my love and appreciation, as well as my admiration. It was either that or me talking about a day on laxatives and a camera being shoved up my colon. I think I chose the right subject. Now, off to letter land…
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Dear Johnnie,
If I were you I'd go back to Eastern Europe and continue teaching English as a foreign language. I've been teaching here in Poland since the 1980s, and though I am poor (3 grand a year) I am at least free to pursue those things that I love most.
Every time I fly back to Pennsylvania I regret it. The last time was 6 years ago.
Consider Poland this time.
Below is a link to the latest issue of Mandrake Poetry Review.
http://www.angelfire.com/pe/TheMandrakePress/index2.html
Leo Yankevich
Reply-
Well, not really a reply, except to say I have thought about Poland a lot and certainly liked the place when I visited. I just wanted to bring the Mandrake Poetry Review to everybody's attention. I don't do reviews, and I'm not going to start now, but this Review is my favorite poetry-lit rag. And now you can read it in its entirety on the net. I encourage all poetry lovers to check out this site. And their review section is the best as well, not just little paragraphs, but in-depth deconstructions of poetry and books with excerpts of the work being reviewed. To paraphrase what co-editor Leo Yankevich said above, he is pursuing the things that he loves the most, and it truly shows with this strong review. I highly recommend Mandrake Poetry Review. http://www.angelfire.com/pe/TheMandrakePress/index2.html
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Dearest JB,
regarding Budget File #28, yeah… job… so I've somehow managed, with the exception of being a musician or a full time student, to not have a job in the '90's. Yeah, I've got a medical degree (snot-sucker), and I can play drums (badly and out of time), but I'm also crazy like a bag full of cats on fire... something you may want to consider.
torquefinger, the eternal sophomore
p.s. McCain, like most of his ilk, wants in our bedrooms. Whether it's telling my wife what she can do with her womb like the rest of his idiot cronies, or acting the homophobic drunk on the floor of Congress, McCain is a fucking asshole, on ALL accounts, ANY consideration, even in passing, for a McCain vote is an exercise in ignorance, and an encouragement to his loser, Orange Curtain ASS!
Reply:
OK, maybe I'm wrong about McCain. But if we are to have a Republican President, I want him to be the one.
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been through the looking for work ordeal too many times, one reason i don't move to san francisco, but hey, it's been my experience that the only thing worse than looking for work is finding it, great zine, hope things work out for the best,
oberc
Reply-
Thanks for the words. But I would still rather have a job than look for one.
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… after reading Tater's reply, and your response, I would like to ask to be taken off your mailing list…
Dad
Reply:
Well dig this! I knew somebody would be put off with that vulgar little tete-a-tete, but I guess I didn't expect this from the ol' step-dad. But it doesn't really surprise me. We've never really been that close, and we definitely have different world-views, to say the least. Oh well…
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Until next time…
Budget Files
