#16
April 30, 1999
Remembering Jihlava
Carolyn and I spent last summer in the Czech Republic, an incredibly beautiful country. Just the other day I was talking to somebody here in Moscow I’ll probably publish, and we talked about Prague, and I said that it’s too bad that Czech R. is such an insignificant little country. Prague is incredibly cool, the food is great, the countryside is relaxingly sublime, the people friendly and the beer is the best in the world and insanely cheap. It’d be a great place to live for awhile. But what job could you get with a degree in Czech History? I mean, does that degree even exist? And what could I do if I spoke Czech, except teach it, and how many schools offer Czech language courses? But nevertheless, I certainly enjoyed my time in that country.
I wish that I had started these Budget Files while I was in the Czech Republic. (I really hate that name. Why not Czechia, or Czechland, or my favorite, Czechistan.) I had a lot of fun and interesting experiences while I was there, met a lot of cool people, and traveled throughout the country, as well as going to Poland for a bit. Over the course of the coming summer, I think, I’m going to write about my experiences and observations of my time there, since once I get back to the states life at my mothers will probably be pretty boring. But I’m not going to wait until then to start, for the conversation that I had on Tuesday made me reminisce quite a bit about one town we visited in particular. No, not Prague, but Jihlava.
Twice over the summer we worked at English language summer camps for German kids in the Czech countryside. Each time, the campers were taken to the town of Jihlava, about 20 miles or so from the camp, to visit the small zoo there and them let the kids roam around the city for a few hours. While at the zoo, we had to supervise the kids and tell them the English names of the various animals, but once we left the zoo, we were able to ditch the kids and do what we want.
Jihlava, like most Czech towns and cities, is hundreds of yeas old, with cobblestone streets, a big central square, gothic churches and old city walls. Once outside the old city walls, however, the more modern sections of the city stand, the cobblestones change to asphalt and the apartment blocks stretch to the sky. Not very interesting and quite gloomy. So, being tourists with limited time, we stayed pretty much in the center whenever we visited Jihlava or any other town.
But now I’m going to switch into a normal travel guide, albeit an ‘alternative’ one nevertheless. If you ever happen to be in the Czech Republic, and find yourself in Jihlava (which you would probably only be in because it’s off the freeway half way between Prague and Brno), I’m going to advise you on what to do. After visiting there twice, and seeing how there really isn’t much to do in the town, I feel that this itinerary will provide you with the most bang for your buck, so to speak, and provide you with a decent buzz as well.
First off, if you have the time, visit the zoo. It’s small, but nice, very green and it makes for a pleasant walk. But lets just assume that you have a couple of hours to kill in town. We’ll start at the square in the city center. The first thing that you’ll notice is that smack dab in the middle of the square there is a McDonald’s and a Tesco (a British Supermarket chain), obviously plopped there in the last ten years.
So you’ve been on the bus or whatever for a couple of hours, and your hungry and can use a beer. There are quite a few outdoor safes on the square, so pick one and plop yourself down. Of course, Czech food is available, but there’s a pizza place also. So eat, have a beer or two, and relax.
So then you’ve drank your beer and finished your food, and feel like getting stoned. (You of course have visited the back room of the Taz Bar back in Prague and got a couple grams of hash.) Go to the top of the square, and make a left down the street. There are shops along the way, in particular a musical instrument store on your right that’s pretty cool. Walk down the street for about fifteen minutes, and soon you’ll reach where the old city wall crosses the street. The wall is black with soot and not very tall. On the right side of the street on the wall there’s a plaque about how there once stood a synagogue nearby that was destroyed by the Nazis. But it’s the left side where you want to go. Here you’ll notice that the wall is indeed rather high, and that the center is at a higher elevation than the land outside the wall. Walk down the steps from the street to the overgrown field littered with broken beer bottles and Pepsi cans that runs alongside the wall. Walk about thirty yards along the wall until you pass the second watchtower, then duck behind it. A perfect spot. Nobody can see you, the wall blocks the wind, and you can lean up against a centuries old wall and smoke. I didn’t sit down, because obviously locals have discovered this place already, judging by the trash lying around. But it was still hella stony.
O.K. you’ve done that, and you got a good buzz going. Walk back down the way you came, looking in a shop or two along the way. (This is the best time to go into the music shop.) Soon you’re back in the center. On the left of the square is an old church tower. Go there. It costs like 30 crowns to get in, but hell, that’s like a buck, and although you can get four beers for that much, don’t be a cheapskate. Walk up the steps and you’ll get a great view of the town. You can see the all the gothic steeples in the distance, the river winding through the hills, the Soviet apartment blocks on one side of town, where a factory is situated, while on the other side of the tower the countryside spreads out, with fields of grain and tractors rolling over the hillsides. A light breeze will blow past you, as there are no windows or anything like that. It’s all quite breathtaking and beautiful. And it all mixes well with the clouds in your head. When I was there, I must have stared out for quite a while, having one of those outer-body traveling experiences, until I realized that I was getting the munchies. Time to descend back down the stairs, and return to the square.
And on the square, in a kiosk by the McDonald’s, are some of the best crepes in the world. Truly grub. And if you so desire, you can get some ice cream there as well. Bon apetit. And afterwards, if you feel like a nap, lay down near the fountain and doze.
So there you have it, an A+ itinerary for an hour or two in Jihlava. If you still have some time to kill, go inside a church or two, walk down some of the side streets, or have another beer. There is another cool street off the square that leads to a watchtower that you pass under. You can see the tower from the street. So if you ever find yourself in this town, remember what johnnie b.’s told you, and you’ll have a groovy time.
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I started a new job a couple of weeks ago. I work for the same company, but now I am an object of barter, which is major part of how the Russian economy functions. I’m no longer teaching (no more brats!). Now I am working at RosBuisinessConsulting, the largest financial information service in the country. I have a desk in an office with my own computer. I work 9-5. All for the first time in my life. I edit translations.
Let me explain. A Russian takes Russian news items and such and translates them into English. Then I go through them and make them into perfect English. If you want to see my work, check out http://www.rbc.ru/english. Everything that you see in English I’ve had a hand in. Crazy. It’s a cool job, albeit correcting grammar eight hours a day can get pretty boring. But since I have my own computer now, I can slip in games on Jeopardy Online and write to you, my beloved readers. It’ll do for the month or so I have left here. And no more brats!
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BIG NEWS ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEW BUDGET PRESS PUBLICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Budget Press is pleased and proud to announce the publication of our newest chapbook, Shrapnel by Scott C. Holstad. Scott’s an L.A. boy who has been published by many others, hell, you can even buy some of his stuff at amazon.com (got $200 for that plug, yeah right). This is some pretty strong stuff, about doing time and wanting death and popping Lithium. I made a bunch of copies, because I know that each and every one of you will order at least two or three. Unfortunately, since I’ll be leaving Moscow in June or July, and it takes up to three months for mail to get here from the U.S., all orders should be sent (all it costs you is two stamps per copy) to 2764 Caminito Cedros Del Mar, CA 92014 USA. I will send you your copy as soon as I get home. But that shouldn’t stop you from ordering the chapbook that will show you that, hey, you’re life ain’t really that bad. Check out the cover, and one of the poems, from the homepage http://www.angeflire.com/ca/bpress. Order your copy today!
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Thirty-one people took the time out of their busy schedules to take place in the scientific poll regarding the last budget file. The results: 45% of poll respondents felt that I should have pulled a 3-way with my wife. Now, I must admit I voted for this one myself, but at the time I didn’t think Carolyn would go for it. Then I found out that she voted for this option as well! Now I’m mad! 29% said I shouldn’t, and 26% voted for two-person sex. So, overall, my obviously educated readership feels that I pussed out on this one. Be sure to take part in this weeks well thought out, highly scientific poll, at http://members.tripod.com/johnniebbaker/foolish.file.html. Results will be in the next budget file.
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Only got one letter about the last file. I guess my social life isn’t that interesting.
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somehow that story of the club was all too enjoyable!
Tina Bold
Reply-
Thanks Tina.
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Until next time…
#17
May 12, 1999
Just Another May
Just got back from a ten-day holiday. Unfortunately, because I’m going back to the USSA this summer, I have to save every kopeck I make, since California is a lot more expensive than Jordan, so for the first time we’ve had a day or two off me and Carolyn didn’t run off to some new place. Instead, we just bummed around Moscow for the week, although we probably ended up spending just as much money here than if we went to Volgograd or something. After all, Moscow is the most expensive city in Russia.
But since we stayed in Moscow, we figured we couldn’t miss the festivities for two big holiday celebrations here in Russia, May Day and Victory Day. May Day, for those who don’t know, is May First, and is considered the international worker’s day. It was made a national holiday by the Communists here in Russia, and even though it has lost a great deal of it’s ideological significance, everybody still gets the day off. Back in the day, massive celebrations were held, where everybody was forced to participate in, or at least watch, parades and speeches and the like, the largest and grandest, of course, taking place in Red Square. So, predictably, we decided to go to the Square and check things out. We were sadly disappointed. Red Square was completely closed off, and the only group of people we found were the same group of old people carrying red flags, standing around a bust of Marx near the Bolshoi Theater. So we went and got a pizza.
But Victory Day, May Ninth, I knew would be different. This is the day that Germany surrendered, effectively ending World War Two. Now while this was an important day in many countries, the level of destruction that the war inflicted on Russia, a good chunk of the country falling under Nazi control, with millions of Russians, both soldiers and civilians, killed, and the great sense of pride that the Russians take in this victory, lent an even greater importance to this day. And it has not been forgotten. All throughout the city, on billboards, banners, and shop windows, was the words ‘March 9 - Victory’. The newspaper said that the traditional parade through Red Square would take place, though without the massive display of military hardware that dominated pass celebrations. Only troops in formation would parade through Red Square.
All right, we thought, now we’ll get to see some real groovy stuff. We happened to be in the square a few days before, shopping at GUM, and had seen huge banners seven or eight stories high on the buildings surrounding the soon to be parade grounds. The paper said that the parade would start at 10 AM Sunday morning. So we didn’t go out the night before, and set the alarm early. There was no way I was going to miss this. I gotta have something to write about in these files.
So come Sunday at 9:45 (I know, we should have got there earlier to get a good view of the parade, but hell, it was Sunday morning, and it does take us forty minutes to get into the center) we stepped off our subway train at the stop closest to the square, went up the escalators, and headed for the exit. But the exits were closed. We went to all the different exits at three different stations, and they were all closed. We got back on the train and went down one stop. Here, we were able to get above ground, but all the streets headed to the square were closed up, with guards not letting anyone through. ‘Now wait a minute,’ I thought. ‘Even the Russians aren’t screwed up enough to have a parade and not let anyone come!’ We wandered around the streets surrounding the center, but each opening we found was blocked off. And we weren’t the only ones looking for an opening, Russians were as well. Everyone trying to find the one opening where they were letting people in. And we knew that they had let people in, because at one point there were loud ‘Urrah!s’ echoing through the streets. At one point we came to a street where you could see a crack of Red Square a couple blocks down. Stands were set up and the place was packed, but you couldn’t really see what was going on. We decided to walk on down to the Moscow River, to the backside of the square where maybe we can get in or maybe at least see the parade come out the exit. Of course, we were stopped far from the exit to the square, and instead looked down at the river and heard some big cannon being fired from the square. It was real loud, with each blast followed by an ‘Urrah!’. Well, screw it, at least we got to hear it. Time to go home. We went to get on the subway, when all the sudden about a hundred soldiers in their dress uniform started to march past us onto the train. They had come straight from the parade onto the metro, I guess going back to where they came from. And they were taking the subway!
As it was still early we decided to walk down Tverskaya Bulvar, one of Moscow’s main streets, before we started home. As we walked, we noticed how quiet it was on the normally busy street. Well, it is a holiday. But then I noticed that there wasn’t any traffic at all. We found this quite odd, until I saw about a quarter-mile down a bunch of banners blocking the street. We walked down further until we came upon a conglomeration of a few thousand people, preparing to march down the street to the center. This was the people’s parade. Sure, there were the usual commies with Stalin pictures and Lenin banners (getting kinda boring), but most of all, there were old war veterans, covered in medals. The old Union must have made a hundred different medals, because some of these guys had twenty or thirty dangling from there chests, making them sound like dancing gypsies as they walked down the street. There were plenty of Anti-NATO banners and placards being waved about. There was one guy selling plastic bags with a drawing of Clinton and Hitler, being led to a noose. Naturally, we bought a couple. Then a motorcade of military transport vehicles made the crowd part in two like the Red Sea, full of soldiers being taken home from Red Square. The crowd cheered, old ladies waved flowers at them, the teen conscripts waved back.
We walked on through the crowd, not saying a word, of course, taking pictures and avoiding the nationalists especially. And then, joy of joys, we came across a bunch of Kurds! Completely out of place with their PKK flags and Abdullah Ocalan pictures. I don’t remember them fighting in the Great Patriotic War (what Russians call WWII), but there they were dancing in a circle, holding hands. My first Kurd demonstration! I wanted to join in, but realizing that I’d be making a fool of myself if I did, I just took a bunch of pictures. I mean, what would I say to them, ‘Hey man, I’m down with your cause, can I dance with you?’ I don’t think so. So we stayed on the sidelines as tourists, until we got bored and went home.
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While I’m on the subject of Kurds, how about those Turkish elections a couple of weeks ago? Boy, was I wrong. In fact, everybody was. Instead of the Islamists gaining seats in the parliament, they lost seats, and a formerly powerless far-right party surged into the parliament along with the nationalist prime minister, Bulent Ecevit. Everybody can pretty much forget about a peaceful end to the problems in that country now. They got Ocalan, who they’ll probably execute after giving him his trial, and the war against the Kurds in the southeast has been stepped up. Turkeys even back in Iraq again, hoping to land the final deathblow to the PKK. And they might finally have their victory. But in the local elections in Kurdish majority areas, HADEP, the legal (for how long?) Kurdish based party gained the majority of elected offices. So even if the PKK is beaten down soon, the problem won’t go away. Hopefully, once the PKK is gone, maybe the Turkish authorities may find it opportune to talk to the peaceful Kurdish parties, and a solution can be found. But if this doesn’t happen, though the current conflict may end, in a few years time another one will start. The Kurds will always fight.
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And don’t rule out the Islamists just yet. They again won the Istanbul mayoral race, even thought the last Islamist mayor of that city was thrown into jail for reading a poem the authorities didn’t like. Their power may have diminished, for now, but if the new government isn’t able to solve at least some of Turkey’s myriad of problems, they’ll surely make a comeback in the next elections.
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It seems my ode to the end of winter and the advent of spring I wrote a couple of weeks ago was a little premature. Hell, here it is, May 12th, and it’s snowing outside! Sure, it’s not sticking to the ground, but damn if it’s not cold! My co-workers tell me that this is the coldest May in a long time. Oh well, you might think, just turn on the heater and stay indoors. If it were only that easy! Here in Russia, the term ‘central heating’ has an entirely different meaning. When they mean central heating, they mean that all the heat in the entire city is controlled from the center. That’s right, no thermostats in anyone’s apartment. You get heat when the man downtown decides you need heat. And right now, the heat has been turned off throughout the city, after all, it was hot two weeks ago. And they aren’t going to turn it back on, either. Gotta do ‘maintenance’. Won’t be turned on again until October. But that’s not all. Starting today, all hot water is being turned off as well. For two to three weeks. For yearly ‘maintenance’. No hot showers or baths throughout this cold snap. So the one way to beat the cold, a long, hot bath, is gone as well. God, this is quite a country.
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The cool thing about working where I work now is that I get the latest news real fast. Five minutes ago, the Russian Prime Minister, Yevgeny Primakov, was fired and now the Minister of the Interior, Sergei Stepashin, is the acting Prime Minister. Now we’re back to square one. Prmikov was a compromise Prime Minister between Yeltsin and the Communist dominated parliament. There is no way the parliament is going to approve of Stepashin. Now, as things work here, Yeltsin can nominate his candidate three times, and if the candidate is not approved after the third time, he can dissolve parliament and new elections are held. Now seeing as there are supposed to be elections in December anyway, what does he have to lose by dissolving parliament in a month or so? And this comes just as the parliament was going to start initiating legislation so that they can get IMF funds that are badly needed. With this, coupled with the presidential impeachment hearings that are to start tomorrow, and now nothing will be done for quite a while to pull this country out of the mess its in, not like this will be anything new. The powers that be in this country, from Yeltsin to the Communists, don’t really seem to care about the country at all; all they care about is raw power. Stepashin, currently the Interior Ministry head, has a lot of power in his hands, including his own troops. If Yeltsin decides to suppress the Communists before the elections, which the Commies will do well in, Stepashin is the man to do it. All in the name, of course, of protecting democracy. A guy I work with who is a political analyst says that this might be a good thing, because if the Communists gain power that is the end of democracy. ‘But if the suppression happens, would it be democracy?” I asked. Well, the people here are not ready for democracy, they have to be taught, and as long as Yeltsin is running things, they will learn more about it, it will be kept in their mind, while with the Communists it will be gone. But if this is the way to teach people about democracy, they will never learn. Quite a conundrum, yes? What has Yeltsin’s ‘democracy’ (or ‘dermocracy’ as some youths call it, a take on ‘dermo’, which means shit) given to this country? Time to go buy some dollars before the exchange rate goes crazy again. Quite a country.
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Bombing that Chinese Embassy had to be the biggest screw-up in a war of screw-ups. Just before that happened, Russia and the G-7 had agreed on a broad outline for peace. Not only was Russia starting to put pressure on Belgrade, but they were being given an active role in the peace process, a role that in the end would make them seem like peace makers and allow them to join NATO inside Kosovo and save face. Isolated, Russia was working with NATO, not against them. China has always been against the bombing of Yugoslavia, but had kept quite about it, now…they’re raising a ruckus. They want to be included. And now Russia is not isolated. So in today’s news, Boris Milosevic, the Yugoslav ambassador to Russia and Slobodan’s brother, announced that the two countries have agreed on a new plan for Kosovo, one that differs from the one signed by Russia and the G-7 just last week. And then Yeltsin, in what is turning into a very busy day, said that Russia might drop negotiations if the bombing doesn’t stop first. Just what China’s now saying. And just think, a week ago peace seemed, maybe, imminent.
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Just helped translate this:
“Today at a press conference Communist leader Gennady Zyuganov, on behalf of his Duma faction, called on all soldiers and policemen not to fulfill criminal orders no matter who gave them. The left-wing opposition maintains that there are certain forces preparing political upheaval in the country.”
Things are looking good here in Moscow. Of course, Zyuganov said stuff like this last August. Quite a country.
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I made a mistake in the last file concerning the un-scientific poll. I wrote the address wrong. But that shouldn’t stop you from taking place in this week’s poll. Check it out at http://members.tripod.com/johnniebbaker/foolish/file.html. Enough of my babbling. On to the letters…
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Johnnie-
You know, some several years back, I was studying at Kliment Ohridsky University (Sofia, Bulgaria) while enjoying their long awaited sexual revolution, and writing some of the darkest poetry you'll ever read. I was introduced to the brightest writers in Bulgaria, and we would rule the night life. There's nothing like a bunch of intoxicated intelligencia running rampid through the center of town. We used to say, "So, this is what is was like to be a part of Andy Warhol's 'Factory'."I even managed to make a fool of myself on Voice of America.
There was one economics professor that recorded my interview (from VOA), then played it to all his collegues for laughs. He would tell them, "Check out my student with his California-Surfer accent." I think I wanted to die of embarrasment for a week after that. While as for my girlfriend back in the states, well, she was completely perplexed by my letters, and things didn't last very long after my return. I stopped writing, finished my undergrad studies, went to work in the banking industry for six years, gave that up, and enlisted in Dr Clark's NSS Program in the Fall of 1998.
I'm only telling you this because when I read you files, I can't help but reminiscence about my days in East Europe. I think being semi-single had a lot to do with it. However, I have been told that Sofia is not like that anymore. A couple of my Bulgarian friends moved to LA recently, and warned me about returning to Sofia. Lucho Ivanov was one of Bulgaria's top film-directors, and he admits that the Russia Mafia helped him decide to leave. Harrassment, I guess. Now, he works for Warner Brothers, Sony, and Nicklodeon.
-Damon B
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I happen to have the answer to your musings. The Czech Republic can't be "Czechland" because that is German. Czechia *is* the Czech name for one of the two components of the Czech Republic -- Moravia is the other. Bohemia is the traditional English term for the Czech Lands – which comprised, until modern times, Sorbia (now part of Saxony) and Silesia (now a Polish province) as well as the two components of today's Czech Republic. Bohemia is named for the Boii -- a Celtic tribe that is the earliest recorded inhabitant of the place (1st Century BC). Bavaria – Bayern in German -- is also named after the Boii. …Any denizen of the former Commie world adds a "-stan" to his own country's name if he wants to run it down. I remember in the days before the break-up, Soviets would mockingly call the USSR "Sovokistan." ("Sovok" is Russian for dustpan and was slang for a Soviet citizen.)
Cheers!
Bill Green
Reply-
I have never heard of Czechia. During my time there, it was Bohemia and Moravia, that’s what it said on the maps, that’s what the Czechs called it. I mean, you know a lot more about these things than me, but I’m still not convinced of this Czechia thing. But nevertheless, my point was that the name ‘Czech Republic’ sucks. Can you think of a better name?
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I tried the address for the unscientific poll and it said that that site no longer exists. So here's my twenty-two cents. You should have banged the horny barfly with the Wife and punked out the stout barkeep just to let everyone know who's the boss.
Richard Tater
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Until next time…
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